How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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