I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize