the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
