So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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