So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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