Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
