Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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