eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
