and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
