He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
