You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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