I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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