bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
