Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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