Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
