That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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