yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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