Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
