You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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