How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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