your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
being pregnant is like rehab
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
