We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to fling myself into the sun
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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