How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
