worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
