i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
