Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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