and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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