just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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