I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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