I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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