I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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