I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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