My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
