By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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