I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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