I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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