I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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