what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
