exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to make out with him forever
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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