Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
