I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
