May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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