Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
