let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
