i permit you to call me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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