i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
