I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
