I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
