his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
