i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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