My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
