Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
