I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
