if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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