He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
