The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
