well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
