After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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