Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
