At least make sure they are 18
Why
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
