your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
