if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize