I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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