I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
