i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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