Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
