By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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