grandma shit on top of the toilet
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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