then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
