The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
