i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
