Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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