why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Houston, we have a squirter
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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